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Friday, September 17, 2004

Blogging

As you all know Dave and I suck at this blogging thing! We haven't done so in a very LONG time. Maybe we'll get better - but I won't make any promises. This is a whole different world that we haven't really gotten into yet.

I was reading an article in the Columbus Dispatch the other day about blogging - and how some people have gotten fired from there jobs for certain things that they had put on thier blog in regards to thier work life. Just a note. Be cautious public means public - anyone can see these!!

Now onto deeper things:
A few weeks ago I got in contact with a friend of mine from high school. She is a very smart woman - graduated with a law degree, passed the bar exam and became an attorney in Ohio. She currently isn't practicing because she just had a baby. The sad thing is she had a baby with a guy that she is not married to, wants no responsibility for the baby and wants very little to do with my friend. I have been shaken by this. It's amazing me to how life turns out. In high school, I was always kind of the "looser" and "not smart" - I made very poor decisions with men, got mediocre grades (at best), was resistant to conforming to what my teachers had expected, was rude and mean to people, and had very little concrete plans for my future. My friend on the other hand always got good grades, didn't allow boy craziness to interfere with making good decisions for her life, was liked and respected by teachers, and had good solid goals for her future. Who do you think would have continued to make good decisions for their life. Not me that's for sure. God had something else in mind. For the past week I have contemplated many whys? Why did I get such a good deal in life? Why/How has my life changed? Why couldn't someone so smart make smart decisions with men? Why does she still want to be with this guy?

The answer of course is God. My life has changed greatly because of Him. People's lives go down the toilet without Him. I am amazed everyday that I was given a godly, wonderful, caring man - I certainly did nothing to deserve this. Dave is everything that other men in my past weren't. He is unbelievable! He still amazes me how godly he is towards me, how he doesn't let my boldness run him over, and how smart, caring, loving and relationally healthy he is (in spite of the great deal of brokenness that runs in his family). What God has given me in Dave, though is nothing compared to the way God changed me internally. He has made ME healthy relationally, made me more loving, has gotten ride of guilt for me, and most importantly makes me cry (with sweetness and joy) when I feel Him near. I love that most about my relationship with the creator God. I can feel close to Him and it touches my heart!!

I still get confused though, why me? Why do really good things happen to some people that love the Lord and really disappointed things happen to people that love the Lord? Why can't some of my other friends have some really good things happen to them (especially in this time of disappointment in thier lives), why can't some people that love the Lord feel that closeness? Some would say (and I would too) that it's because of sin. We live in a sinful world that's why things aren't the way it should be at times. But isn't God bigger than that? Why does it seem, at times that God doesn't give "good gifts" to his children? I know God's "good" is better than the "good" that we expect from him, at times. But I know people that feel disappointed because people they loved aren't saved, or because they don't get to feel that closeness with God, or they feel their prayers just bounce off the ceiling. Why?

My mind can't wrap around "why" sometimes. Can yours? I do know God is God!!

Love you all!
Kara Hill